Sunday, November 7, 2010

The Eternal Debate

I continued the tradition. We all did. Since the discovery of fire and the creation of the cocktail party, humans have stood mesmerized. The bon fire picks up steam. The level of sobriety quickly dwindles. And then—in almost miraculous fashion—the deepest thoughts of the human mind are discussed.
It is what is and what should ever be. American #1, "Let's celebrate!""
American #2, "How do we do that?"
American # 1, "I know…we can light stuff on fire!"
American #2, "Sweet! I'll get the Fritos!"
We are at the mercy of the fire—we created it. But we really don't know when it's going to end.
So there we were—mesmerized…watching the flames. I noticed that one particularly hip chick is standing, backside to the fire. I was comfortably lounged in a camping chair. There were a bunch of chairs, no shortage. So I said, "Laurie! (Because that was her name) Why don't you sit down and get comfy?"
And that sparked the great "warm butt vs. comfy butt" bonfire conundrum. Before this all came to light, I was blissfully unaware of my posterior's temperature. Then Laurie had to mess with the conversation balance. It was just all out of place. She was standing, warming her rear and looking off like a watchdog on the job.
I tried to explain—through my glorious mastery of the language—that sitting was a far superior choice that added to the proper social geometry. I told her standing like she was, would undoubtedly break the fragile bond of the confab—and of course it did eventually lead to the dissolution of the group.
But the whole time I thought my logic was winning---my butt was feeling colder and colder. I crossed a threshold and I was no longer capable of making rational decisions.
So I stood up and faced the blank darkness of the woods, rear-end protruding backwards. My ass tingled with warming pleasure. It was sublime. Laurie was right—but so was I. Once our bums regained feeling, we high-tailed it back to the homestead for fresh drinks and no need to consider your body temperature. It feels a little bit like a de-evolution, when personal fortitude is tested.
Moral---I like to look at fire…& I can't explain why. Plus technology has made us soft.


  1. Topical article. Bonfires and fall. How about something about the joys of skating too.

  2. The answer is just outside the typical box of thinking... divide and conquer. As in, divide your fire wood and conquer by making TWO fires. Then declare yourself Lord of the Flames and place your chair directly between the two. Technology may have made us soft, but who needs to be tough with our amazing ability to reason? ;)

  3. I am so sad I missed that deep converstation :)
    I think fire is amazing-I often am mesmerized by it-even if my butt is cold.